doctors.

i'm really tired of going to see doctors so much lately. my body is never right. first it was whooping cough, then the lord only knows with the pain and the joints, then mono, and now the lord only knows again. i hate that this is back.

for all of you who don't know..
i have some type of hip/joint problem and every once in a while, my hips start to hurt, then it turns into horrible pain that i have to be put on pain killers for. this pain is so bad that i can't walk, sit or stand. literally, i can't do anything. then it moves from my hips and spreads through my legs and up my back. while this is going on, my white blood count drops to scary numbers. around 1.2.. it's supposed to be above 4. well last fall is when i first had this and my doctor couldnt figure it out. he had blood cultures done, shots, pills, everything. i had more blood drawn then you could imagine. 6 times in one day once. well then i was sent to a hematologist at a cancer center. they were going to do a bone marrow tap, but thankfully didnt. but they couldnt figure it out, so they sent me to an infectious disease doctor. he did the same tests i had already done before, said the same things, and told the same words. but they still couldnt figure out what it was. after about 2 weeks, it all went away. gone. just like that.

well its back. and its killing me. it made me miss a cruise last year, and it better not make me miss paris this year. i already have my ticket and my bff and we are NOT missing it. i dont care how much pain i'm in.

so, it came back and i went back to the doctor about 2 weeks ago and had more bloodwork done and was given pills again, just to ease the pain. it went away about 3 days later.. but jsut the past couple of days something new has started in my hips. its the pain but in a different way. its so hard to describe. but mom gets a call today from my doctor saying that she set up an apt with a specialist (hips/joints something) for me to go see on wednesday.. and she didnt even know that i was hurting again. how crazy, right? i'm just scared. i'm scared they're going to find something bad, or even worse, never find it and me be in pain on and off forever. i just don't know anymore.