oh, it's that time already?

I thought Christmas time was supposed to be "The Best Time of The Year"..

lately I don't know what that saying is supposed to mean. 

I've realized nothing is ever going to be perfect. Ever. Things will start going wonderful, and then hit rock bottom, just like that. It never fails. It's life. 

My life has been a lot of changes lately. Some things I'm not to happy about, but others, I'm feeling so good about. I've gotten a gym membership. I'm working out everyday now and getting in shape and feeling better about myself and my body and being comfortable in it. I'm being a better, healthier me. That's one good thing. I've also downloaded SO much music lately and it's been making me SO happy. I don't think people understand how important music is to me. It lets me forget. I'm meeting new people, stepping outside of my not so comfort zone, just my different zone. 

I'm not going to be around forever. I'm not going to be waiting around forever for you and you have to realize that. I can't keep doing this on and off thing. I know most of it is my fault, because I always do the thing to make it go off, but I can't take the pressure anymore. I'm done with the arguing. I'm done with the nagging. I'm just done. I feel like I'm moving on, like I'm finally getting over you, but it's weird because you aren't here with me. I still feel like I should be wrapped up in your arms laying in your bed, you playing with my hair and giving me the sweetest kisses like the last time i was with you. But I haven't really spoken to you in over a week. We aren't close anymore. You aren't my bestfriend anymore and it's SO fucking weird. I feel like you're supposed to be here. I feel like you don't open up to me anymore at all. I feel like I should give up all together on you, just be done.  Too bad that's much easier said than done.